QUESTION # 595: TOP HAT AND COAT TAILS

Dear Useless Men,

I have a question...

Is it ever 'ok' for a dude to ride a woman's coat tails, yet continue to call himself the *alpha male* (lol)?? And by THAT I mean.... LIVE off of her when he has nothing to contribute...

Short Skirt & Long Jacket

Dear Short Skirt and Long Jacket,

The first word that comes to mind is: WOW. Yes, in ALL CAPS.

In little more than two sentences you have summed up EXACTLY what it means to be male! That just blows my mind!

Most women I meet either can't get their heads around this concept, or simply refuse to believe in it. "Barbarian!" they say... "Sexist!" they claim. Well, us males like to use other words.

Like "Normal" and "Inevitable".

It's not just the human species that I'm talking about here, either. Oh no... In fact, with very few exceptions, the animal kingdom is positively rife with examples of male uselessness coupled with male dominance. Take the King of the Jungle, for example...

Have you ever seen a lazier male (outside of your own living room, that is)? It doesn't matter which nature program you watch, they always show him sprawled out under some scraggly tree on the savanna, sleeping, while the females hunt or tend to the young. But he's the first to spring into action when there's a kill to be eaten!

And then you've got birds. The males do nothing but look good with their colorful plumage, singing their beautiful songs, while the females trudge around all brown, puking up worms, and teaching the hatchlings that flying kicks butt over falling. And did you see "March of the Penguins"? Remember who stood in one spot all winter, holding onto one egg, and who made the killer trek to the sea in search of food?

But why am I preaching this to someone like you who obviously has a strong grip on the concept, except for the fact that it allows me to take your brilliant observation and make it look like my own. There I go again!

So, long story short, the answer to your question is: Yes. However, I'd suggest that your man reconsider calling himself a "dude" until he's ready to commit fully to the mullet and a gun rack in his pickup.

Sincerely,
Useless Intern


Send your questions to Useless Advice from Useless Men! Click uselessadvice@hotmail.com">here.