QUESTION # 610: LET'S SLOW IT DOWN

Dear Useless Men,

Do you guys, like, have favorite bands? Or do you just write to silence. Either way it's cool.

Signed,
Big Hair

Dear Big Hair,

Boy, have you touched on a sensitive topic. Well, for starters, we all have a favourite band. Actually, it's musician. Around the offices “we all agree” that Mike Evin is the greatest musician since Sliced Bread. (Sliced Bread was a jam band back in the 60's that slipped under the radar. Great musicianship.) I can't emphasize enough just how much “we” all love Mike Evin.

However, when the boss is away, things get complicated. We can never decide on what music to listen to, but we need something because we find the hum of the trademarked Advice Randomizer insanely irritating. Like having to listen to the same three Mike Evin songs in random order. Me? I'm a metal head through and through. Useless Gal and The Useless Wonder can at least agree on the Back To The Future soundtrack, since Useless Gal is a classical head.

Any More Useless, I'd be a Cat wants anything but classical or top 40 hits, but the Useless Intern is staring to push his weight around now and wants the billboard charts top 100. As long as he sticks to the bottom 60 hits, the two of them get along great.

Just Plain Useless is still trying to decide which new album is better: 50 Cents' or Kayne West's. He insists we alternate each album until he decides.

It's amazing we can get anything done at all. But worry not, we have come to an agreement and so we listen to Apocalyptica, Metallica by four cellos. This is cellos, so it's classical. It's Metallica, so it is metal and billboard charts 100. And both Kayne West's and 50 Cents' albums both suck! Everybody's happy!

Oooohhhh .... here comes the wicked solo from Enter Sandman! I've got some air cello-ing to do!

Rock On!!

Sincerely Excellent,
One Useless Brother


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