QUESTION # 592: IS IT STILL CALLED SHRINKAGE

Dear Useless Men,

I have been wondering about this for sometime:

If a guy gets to be so fat that he cannot see his penis, does it eventually fall off? Ashes to ashes dust to dust if you don't take it out it and use it, it might just rust.

Ashy, Rusty and Dusty

Dear Ashy Rusty and Dusty

I can't assure you that if he gets that fat that his penis won't simply vanish. Actually, he should begin to worry what it is getting up to without his supervision!

As anyone who has spent time with kids can tell you, there is no time to be more nervous than when you don't hear or see them. This is how things get broken, walls get drawn on and all other manner of mischief takes place.

He may actually want to get someone to verify that it is still in place and behaving itself. If he's too embarrassed to show of his tackle, then maybe he should consider getting some shoes with mirrors on them. Then he can keep an eye on it all the time. Just be careful where he goes in those shoes because apparently they are frowned upon in most public places, especially in summer months. I think it's because of the glare from the bright summer sun or something.

It is advisable that he take some sort of action because if he simply chooses to ignore the possible problem he is facing, then he may find out too late that his penis has indeed been out and about without him. This is where the myth of “Use it or lose it” comes from. If left long enough, it will simply go out and find its own entertainment. The next thing you know he'll be sitting down watching reruns on the television and will be summoned to a knock at the door.

If he's lucky it will be the police returning his penis, which had been apprehended before causing any real trouble. Worst-case scenario, the knock may be a summons to a paternity suit.

Act now before it is too late.

Sincerely,
Any More Useless, I’d Be A Cat


Send your questions to Useless Advice from Useless Men! Click uselessadvice@hotmail.com">here.