2007-10-18T13:51:22-07:00 4703 3054 3957 1 2007-10-18T13:51:22-07:00 2007-10-18T13:51:22-07:00 <P><EM>Dear Useless Men,<BR><BR>Is Canada a communist country? I'm thinking to move there. I hear the weather is a little cold but I don't really mind living in an igloo all year and I have always liked dogs so surely I would do just fine driving a team of dogs around. Also, I heard that whole thing about leaving your senior citizens out to die on ice flows was a trick or something. So, don't think you can fool me with any of your Canadian trickiness.<BR><BR>Signed, again,<BR>Relocating Laura<BR><BR></EM>Dear Relocating Laura,<BR><BR>I'm going to level with you... Everything you've ever heard about Canada has been a cleverly composed scheme to keep Americans from wanting to move here. Without these stereotypical myths and horror stories, the True North Strong and Free would have been over-run long ago! <BR><BR>We hide behind the "communist" title to make you think of long lines for bread and toilet paper instead of inexpensive health care, government surplus cheques, and federal reimbursements. Cha-ching!</P> <P><BR><A href="http://www.perfectduluthday.com/2005/02/how-to-build-igloo.html" target=_blank><IMG alt="Learn how to build your own igloo by following the links after the link. Click a snow brick." hspace=10 src="http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y6/JPTH/BLOG/USELESSMEN/igloo.jpg" align=right vspace=10></A><BR></P> <P>The image you have of a frozen wasteland dotted by igloos and dogsled teams is about as real as your moon landing. Just ingenious use of giant Styrofoam blocks, snowmaking machines, and some really hairy children, really. We all drive the expensive cars imported from Europe, and our real homes are brick-and-mortar mansions with the finest hardwood floors, exquisitely gold-plated bathroom fixtures, and brushed-steel appliances. We also fly American flags in our front yards, just in case a picture or video should ever accidentally slip south of the border. <BR><BR>Normally, I'd never tell you all this, but our oil sand-funded economy has become so strong, and the demand for employees in every sector has risen so high, that my local Tim Horton's is seriously understaffed and we could use the influx of cheap labor. Kind of like how it used to be with you and Mexico... Remember? <BR><BR>Now, I'll have an extra large black coffee and a honey cruller, please.<BR><BR>Sincerely,<BR>Useless Intern<BR><BR><BR>Send your questions to Useless Advice from Useless Men! Click <A href="mailto:uselessadvice@hotmail.com"><U><FONT color=#6699cc>here</FONT></U></A>.<BR></P> 11310 3054 1 4703 1 2007-10-18T13:53:48-07:00