QUESTION # 588: WHO'S IN CHARGE - SPAM

Dear Useless Men,

Hello,

Can you please place me in contact with your site's marketing manager or sales manager?

My company has three campaigns that we need more advertising inventory for and I would like to know if your site offers any of the following:

1) Solo-mailing advertising

2) Newsletter/Ezine advertising

3) Website advertising (banners, pops, text links, etc.)

If you offer any of the above advertising models then please contact me at your convenience to discuss.

Thank you,

Marco
Account Manager

Dear Marco,

We here at Useless ... Can I call you Marco? Alright, Marco ... we here at the Useless Offices love to hear from you. We are thrilled about ....

What am I doing?

Look Marco, let me just lay it out here for you. I don't know what I'm doing here. My brother runs this site and I'm only here because our Mom made my brother take me on.

Up until now, I've just been coasting along with the odd Useless Advice answer and stealing The Useless Wonder's lunch. In fact, this question was sent by the trademarked Advice Randomizer to the Useless Intern but, being new, the Useless Intern thinks I have some power here and can make these executive decisions.

In his defense, he may have got that impression because I goose step around the Office yelling, "Look at me, I'm the boss!" or "Give me your answers, I needed them yesterday! Literally, they were supposed to have been posted yesterday. Now I have to back date it!" as a comical mockery of my brother.

I guess my impression was spot on.

I think the Useless Intern is suspecting something is amiss, because as I dictate this to him he keeps glaring back at me. So, to answer your inquiry, I'll shall put on marketing cover-alls, and a sales straw hat, and give you some answers.

It sounds to me by the list your site offers that you do not deal with fresh produce, so that leaves me wondering what the heck does a marketing manager do if it isn't managing market produce? If there is no managed produce then what is the sales manager going to sell?

What I DO know is that if we had advertising models here, I wouldn't be answering this query… Know what I'm saying? Alright…

The intern is nodding in agreement. Ya, high five! Wait, you don't need to keep typing. Did you type that? Yes, that. And that too? All of this? Alright, then how about I do this:

Sincerely,
One Useless Brother

Are you still typing? C'mon now, you can post this now. Just post it. Just click it. Are you still typing ....?


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