How To Eat Two Chipotle Burritos In One Sitting

So you want to be a Chipotle Master? THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?!

It's time to take charge people. Do this now:

Go to the nearest Chipotle. Order 2, I said TWO, blackbean steak burritos, with rice, with guac, with hot salsa. Getting the hot salsa is especially important because the spicyness will keep you eating even if you're about to explode.

Pay for your food (you should do this). Ok now's the time. It's either you or them (the burritos). The world is not big enough for all of you so let the battle begin.

First, you must secure your position. Grab the burrito, now tear into the enemy with your beastly Colgate teeth. You are like Oprah fighting for the last cupcake. The burrito will retaliate with hot salsa, but the taste of battle must keep you going.

After your first conquest, you will need to regroup and heal the wounded. Drink some water. Not too much though. The enemy will try to taunt you sitting there on the plate in all its glory. Daring you to attack. Knowing that you need rest from an exhausting battle.

THAT'S WHEN YOU HIT EM'. Shove your face into the burrito! Some would tell you to use your hands. I say hogwash. You don't have the time or luxury to be polite. Rip into it face-first and move your head side to side to spill lettuce and other parts of its insides on your neighbor's tables.

At some point you should turn over your table, throw your plate out the window and scream in triumph, splattering your neighbors with juicy bits of stake in the process. 

That's how its done my friends. Get out there and make me proud!