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Spongefish

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Keys to a girl's heart

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Don't know how to make a girl smitten? Do the following to show her you really dig her.

 

  • Don't answer your phone the day before you are supposed to meet. Or on the actual day. Even better, fall asleep so that she has to pound on your door for 15 minutes before you finally wake up from a 5 hour nap.
  • Talk about other girls, and ask her advice about what presents and flowers you should get them.
  • Pretend to listen to, but ignore everything she's saying.
  • Actually ignore her without even pretending.
  • Make jokes and form stereotypes about her race and nationality. Then laugh at them.
  • Never pay for her. If you are really good, make her pay for you.
  • Have her cook and clean while you nap, and forget it ever happened. 
  • Eat her gifts (for other people).
  • Give her gifts to other girls.
  • Make out with other girls in her presence.
  • Yell at her in public places.
  • Push her off the bed in the middle of the night.
  • Unload your oedipal complex on her whilst inebriated.
  • And inquire what you did wrong when she never speaks to you again.

 

Ah... men, what wonderous things. 




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Tags: dating, relationships, sarcasm

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  • Published Mar. 17, 2008
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  1. sue adam

    Adam Durfee at 1:24pm on Mar. 31, 2008

    3 months ago

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    Brutal! How many of these did he do to you? Reply...

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  2. des987

    des987 at 11:28pm on Mar. 26, 2008

    3 months ago

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    I am sure I wouldn't care for a woman that dumb. How could she be attracted to such a heathen. This would be the kind of woman a man would need to use a rubber on to have sex with. Talk about taking the pleasure out of life. Anyone that enjoys being treated in such a manner should seek psychological help immediately. Perversity is at a very high level in our society. Degradation of the human soul should be illegal. Reply...

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  3. Fire.jpg

    avraham22 at 11:08pm on Mar. 25, 2008

    3 months ago

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    The problem with this is one thing... When you really like a girl/ woman you want to be nice to her. Then the challenge becomes ignoring her unlike her friends that everyman has no problem ignoring! Reply...

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  4. Me and my girls Valentine's Day.

    enatividad87 at 4:12pm on Mar. 24, 2008

    3 months ago

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    It's sad how true this is. But also very funny when you think about it. lol. Reply...

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  5. keeneland1.JPG

    englslady at 4:46pm on Mar. 18, 2008

    3 months ago

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    So very true....lol. Reply...

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  6. Nico Simon Princely

    Nico at 3:03am on Dec. 8, 2007

    4 months ago

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    The funny thing is you meant this to be funny but much if it is the truth. Women like challenges and hate nice guys. I have seen many very attractive women with men that have done pretty much all of the above and they run back to them over and over again seeking approval and validation. They can't leave because they are have such an emotional investment in him they feel THEY MUST get a return on their investment. Also women are attracted to men that are of high status. And when a man treats a woman like shit he is sending a signal that he is high status and she is lower status so she becomes more attracted to him.

    I was taking to 3 girls one night with a buddy an one girl saw a guy with tattoos and said I like that it turns me on because I know he'd treat me like shit. Then you see all of the nice guys and they get left behind and they never get laid. Now you know why.
    Reply...

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    1. IMG_4430.JPG

      ousili at 12:09am on Dec. 9, 2007

      Delete

      scary how true this is. the point about status is very interesting, i'd never thought about it like that...
      but it can't possibly be for the rest of life. there has to be a point where a woman realizes that she actually deserves to be happy and treated well?
      Reply...

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      1. Nico Simon Princely

        Nico at 12:21am on Dec. 9, 2007

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        I think for some women it's always like that. Others after being burned so many time and their looks start to fade the go for nice guys. But not becuase the really want them as much as they no longer can attract the jerks which are now running after younger hotter women.

        I really wish this was not the case. I used to be a "Nice Guy" I have since reformed, because I got sick and tired of watching women that I treated well run as fast as they could to a jerk.

        I was just reading the above list again and I have a friend that "Make jokes and form stereotypes about her race and nationality. Then laugh at them." to his girlfriend all of the time. The more he does it the more she loves him.

        Once in a while he starts being nice and she turns into a bitch. So he starts being a prick and she get's all loving and sweet again.
        Reply...

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    2. 10-28-2007-03.jpg

      stinsonamanda at 11:49am on Feb. 21, 2008

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      Hilarious post...with some elements of truth. I must say, being a woman who is married to a good guy that it isn't always true that women prefer the unattainable men...I think that the women who would find this post true are largely the women you aren't the best life long partners. They are good for a short term fling but commitment isn't their thing. If a good guy wants a girl he should find the kind of girl who has beauty on the inside as well as the outside. Pre-baby I was reasonably attractive, skinny, curvy - and I had "bad boys" attempt to date me. I turned down every one because I knew that they weren't worth my time or effort. We all get old some day and I wanted someone who would love me when the looks inevitably faded. I am lucky to have found my husband. After gaining nearly 100lbs and being sick and hospitalized during the pregnancy of our son, he still loves me: stretch marks, flabby skin and all. And he still says I am beautiful and means it.

      There is hope out there for good guys!
      Reply...

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  7. Sustainable Ag

    floria at 9:45pm on Jan. 12, 2008

    5 months ago

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    HAHA. This completely reminded me of a Paul Rudd video I just saw, "How to seduce women." His theory is to call a girl a slut, ugly, etc. and she'll be all over you. You should watch it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgsHV9FEJdU&feature=user

    I agree that I have been more attracted to a guy that seems like he doesn't want me or treats me like crap. But I think the driving force is because I want to prove to myself that I can get him. Not so much that I really enjoy him "actually ignoring me without even pretending."

    In the long run, I want a "nice guy." So that I can dominate. Muahaha...
    Reply...

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  8. BURKE'S SWING.jpg

    lifeteambuilders at 2:54pm on Dec. 7, 2007

    6 months ago

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    Is that a picture of a heart which has the habits you listed?
    hahahahahahaha
    At least you have a clear list of what the ladies Don't like, though you left out a few things...
    Scratch your private parts constantly....we love that
    Talk dirty ....whoop whoop! Yeah we'll just melt in your hands.
    Spend at least 5 hours a day playing video games, more preferably the time you two are together.
    Never pick up your dirty underwear or socks. I mean it! We hate that!
    Fart and laugh about it. This is the most absolutely hilarious thing to us. We just eat that up!
    Oh...and this is a super super secret one, My female friends will probably hate me for telling this one...
    well, never mind. I just cannot break the silent trust. Somethings are meant to be mysteries forever....
    Reply...

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    1. IMG_4430.JPG

      ousili at 12:07am on Dec. 9, 2007

      Delete

      break the trust!! i want to know the secret!
      and yeah i definitely forgot a few key ones such as those you mentioned above, and
      i think another winner is saying 'i love you' and then 'just kidding.'
      Reply...

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      1. BURKE'S SWING.jpg

        lifeteambuilders at 10:11am on Dec. 11, 2007

        Delete

        That is a winner for sure! Mark that down as the absolute best way to keep her enamoured! heh heh Reply...

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  9. BURKE'S SWING.jpg

    lifeteambuilders at 5:57am on Dec. 9, 2007

    6 months ago

    Delete

    Oh, Nico.......
    It is very sad to me. You have it figured out, you think, eh?
    I admit I like bad boys. However, I have been burned, abused.
    Now I like my husband. A "reformed" bad boy.
    You are sort of close, you just have it backwards!
    Good luck, my friend!
    Reply...

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  10. CopyofSilentBob.jpg

    Jason at 8:30pm on Dec. 5, 2007

    7 months ago

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    lol, wow, someone topped my level of sarcasm...wondered if anyone else was going to enter anyting for this contest....i was aleady picking stuff out on zappos.com...now I can't win by default Reply...

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ousili (Level 5)

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