2007-12-20T12:41:28-08:00

7200

4539

6161

2007-12-27T10:16:47-08:00

2007-12-20T12:41:28-08:00

<div class="Section1"> Why waste your time -- or theirs?  By sprinkling these 10 foolproof questions into your first or second date, you can save yourself a lot of time and heartbreak.  If he answers incorrectly to any one of these questions, it's time to run for the hills ladies!   Note – Please feel free to make these questions your own.  Maybe green scares you more than pink, and dogs more than cats.  Also, it is best advised to pepper these into a conversation rather than break out a pen and paper at the dinner table, but go with the method that works best for you.   The Elimi-Date Quiz   1.) Do you have a cat, and if so, have you ever send a mobile phone picture of it to someone?   Correct Answer: No, I do not have a cat. Acceptable Answer: Yes, I have a cat, but he's really mean, and I only have him because I found some mean little kids kicking it in the alley and I rescued it, and I would never do something as inane as sending a picture of the cat to a girl I was dating, let alone take a picture of the lil rascal. Wrong Answer: Yes, I have a kitty cat.  She's so cute... I have her picture in my wallet.  Want to see?   2.) How many pink shirts do you own? a.)  0-1 b.)  2-4 c.)  5 or more d.)  any of the above, plus a pink wristband   Correct Answer:  a.) 0-1. Acceptable Answer:  a.) 0-1. Wrong Answer:  b.) or c.).  If he answers d.), politely grab your coat, and head for the door.   3.) Do you possess any beany babies?   Correct Answer:  I have no idea what you're talking about. Acceptable Answer:   Are those those things that my little cousin used to collect from McDonald's?  Why on earth would I have those. Wrong Answer:  I have a couple that my mom gave me.  I keep them right by my bedside table because my mom gave them to me.  I have 3 or 4 of them because my mom thought they symbolized different characteristics about myself.  I love my mom.   4.) Are you an only child?   Correct Answer:  No, I have a sibling(s), and I'd love to have a little brood someday of my own, preferably with you.  Frankly, between you and me, I think all male only children should be exported to an island where they can work out their inadequacies and mommy complexes with each other. Acceptable Answer:   Nope.  Also, I think the world is soon going to be in grave peril because a nation full of a billion only-children due to China's one-child-only policy is a scary thing indeed. Wrong Answer: Yes. I used to have a pet crow when I was crowing up name Clete.  Why do you ask?   5.) Do you have a CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst) certification?   Correct Answer:  No, I don't need any certificates or credentials to bolster my intelligence and financial prowess. Acceptable Answer:   No. Wrong Answer:   I certainly do... and a CPA to boot.   6.) In the last couple of years, have you said or done any one of the following things to a girl while out on a date?   (i) "You taste like sugar cookies." (ii) "Your body is a wonderland." (iii) While dancing, taken the girl's leg and used it as a prop in your air guitar impersonation.   Correct Answer:  Um, no. Acceptable Answer:   Okay, I liked John Mayer for, like, two minutes, but I'm over it now and I don't much like admitting it much less quoting him, so "no". Wrong Answer:   The last girl I took out just inspired me so much, I thought I was the next Eddie Van Halen, I was compelled to act out my rockness.   7.) What colored socks would you wear with brown shoes?   Correct Answer:  Brown. Acceptable Answer:   Anything but white. Wrong Answer:   I only wear white socks so I don't get confused.   8.) How do you keep your bathroom from smelling like the bottom of a trashcan?   Correct Answer:  Either: “Regular cleanings, I suppose” or “I pay a cleaner to come in a couple times a month” will do. Acceptable Answer:   “I don’t think my bathroom smells”; use your judgment here, but some guys just aren’t all that aware of odors.  There are ways to work around this sad state of affairs however. Wrong Answer:   The incorrect answers are almost limitless, but particularly steer clear from those who answer “Potpourri”, or “My mother comes by to clean a couple times a month”.   9.) What color are my eyes?   Correct Answer: “[insert color of your eyes]”. Acceptable Answer:   “To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure, I think they’re [insert color of your eyes], but from what I’ve seen so far, I wouldn’t mind staring into them some more.” Wrong Answer:   “Isn’t that a line from that fantastic J-Lo movie, ‘Monster-in-Law’”?   10.) What’s the name of your Second Life avatar?   Correct Answer: “What’s an avatar?” Acceptable Answer:   “What’s Second Life?” Wrong Answer:   Any answer that isn’t one of the above.     Bonus Round:  While he can’t quite make up for his incorrect answers above, if he’s made it through the first grueling test, you might want to ask him a couple of the following open-answered questions so you can get to know him a bit better (to the extent men have any depth or emotional maturity in the first place.)   1.)   What’s your home page set to on your computer?   2.)   Have you ever gotten a DUI?   3.)   When you were a kid, did you want to be an astronaut, a pilot, or President of the United States, and when did you realize you would never attain that goal?   4.)   If we were at a karaoke bar right now, what song would you sing?   5.)   If you could live comfortably and happy for the rest of your life, such that money or food was never a problem, what career would you choose?   6.)   Aliens come down to the earth and say they’re going to blow up the planet in 48 hours, the same day you find out you’ve just won $100 million in the lottery.  What do you do?   7.)   If your great uncle passed and left you his bar and encouraged you to rename it, what would you call it?   8.)   Have you ever been slapped?   9.)   Would you rather have your brain and the body of a monkey, or the brain of a monkey and your body?         10.) When was the last time you cried?     Bonus, Bonus Round:  If they haven’t gotten you weeping – either in tears or in fear – at their answers in the Bonus Round, try this oral essay question on for size.     1.)   Tell me about your hopes and dreams.         </div>  16448

4539

7200

2007-12-27T10:16:47-08:00