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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
What is the speed of darkness?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who
was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze
these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its bum."
Why
do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to
a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why do
people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point
to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Stop singing and read on……. Yes, it caught me too!
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did
you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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Leave a Comment
bvre at 7:11am on Feb. 5, 2008
2 days ago
I'm going to try to answer your questions to the best of my knowledge.
"Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?"
He is a fictional character.
"Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?"
I don't really, I just put in new ones instead.
"Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?"
Because it doesn't matter if the bank knows that you're broke or not, you still have to pay and if you can't it osts the bank money.
"Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?"
They don't; they wear a leather cap and goggles to protect from the cold so they won't die before they arrive at their destination.
"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?"
There is significant research backing the theory that there are an incredible number of stars in the universe. However the only thing the wet paint has backing it is your word.
"Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?"
Probably either the Swedes or the Danes somewhere in the 17th century.
"What is the speed of darkness?"
Darkness is the absence of light, therefore it should move at the same speed as light.
"Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?"
Married people live longer, it does not only seem like it.
"How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?"
Wheels on luggage was not necessary for manned space flight, hence it did not hinder us.
"Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?"
Because from the top of a tall building you get a different perspective than what you would normally get.
"Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?"
Hint: You can toast more things than just bread.
"Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?"
Several reasons, some freezers have a light though.
"Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?"
Because pointing at a part of your body that emits excrement may seem impolite or just bad manners to some people.
"Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?"
The art of undressing is often considered to be more private than just being naked.
"If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?"
Testsical or tesicals if you are supposed to remove the last 2 letters.
"If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?"
Mineral Oil, Fragrance
"If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?"
No, morality is a set of values set up as socially accepted norms by people, not necessarily morons.
"Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?"
Because the tune is a classical piece and public domain.
Hope that helps, I might not have given satisfactory answers on all questions but at least I tried to help you out. Reply...
Stewie at 11:44pm on Feb. 5, 2008
You should be on Jeopardy. Reply...
katescrash at 9:52am on Feb. 7, 2008
Yeah, helps by taking all the fun out of it....sense of humor, no? Reply...
Builder at 4:43pm on Feb. 8, 2008
Way to go, bvre! Your answers are so much better than the questions that were copied from other sources (nothing original there). Some are jokes, but most are just a way of distinguishing the asker as being ignorant of general knowledge. There's a lot of that going around. Reply...
BassManNV at 12:49pm on Feb. 9, 2008
Who are you and why are you here? "I know. I'll answer, to the best of my pathetic ability, every one of these questions, and prove once and for all my ignorant attempts to prove myself as intelligent!" Do you want a trophy or something? Maybe a plaque... it'll read: Honors for answering, to the best of his pathetic ability, every one of these questions on this website: http://www.spongefish.com/creations/5472-Questions-I-have-never-been-able-to-answer/steps/1, on the fifth day of February.
Go read a book. Reply...
BassManNV at 12:50pm on Feb. 9, 2008
Who are you and why are you here? "I know. I'll answer, to the best of my pathetic ability, every one of these questions, and prove once and for all my ignorant attempts to prove myself as intelligent!" Do you want a trophy or something? Maybe a plaque... it'll read: Honors for answering, to the best of his pathetic ability, every one of these questions on this website: http://www.spongefish.com/creations/5472-Questions-I-have-never-been-able-to-answer/steps/1, on the fifth day of February.
Go read a book. Reply...
bvre at 6:31am on Feb. 10, 2008
I'll try to answer your questions to the best of my ability.
"Who are you and why are you here?"
I actually stumbled upon this site, unfortunately I don't feel comfortable giving away my personal information to you, as you obviously have it in for me.
"Do you want a trophy or something?"
No thanks, I'm actually good. Thanks for asking though.
Hope that helps. Reply...
Miss Expatria at 6:42am on Mar. 16, 2008
Hilarious. Please keep being literal. They'll get the joke eventually. Reply...
EagleChat at 11:53pm on Mar. 18, 2008
we are just dripping with sarcasim arent we???
Oh God, I asked a question didnt I? Reply...
pengfree at 6:44am on Mar. 21, 2008
Wow, some people just can't see the humour in absurdity!! It's true these questions have been floating around for a while...... but they're not meant to be taken literally!!! I got a laugh out of them because I took them at face value and didn't try to read anything into them, other than a little light humour. Reply...
freddy-boy-jones at 8:46am on Apr. 23, 2008
HAHA what a way to let that tosser have it Reply...
jaymestephens84 at 6:50pm on Mar. 22, 2008
You have way too much time on your hands.. you just sucked all of the humor out of this page... Reply...
jaymestephens84 at 6:51pm on Mar. 22, 2008
You just sucked all the fun out of this page... you need less spare time Reply...
Tromtromtrombone at 2:57am on Mar. 25, 2008
Asshole Reply...
Tromtromtrombone at 3:01am on Mar. 25, 2008
By the way, Mr. know-it-all, you failed to point out that electricity doesn't come from electrons. Reply...
Footpig at 5:30am on Apr. 14, 2008
Jackass.. Reply...
dudeness_84 at 7:54pm on Apr. 14, 2008
What is the speed of darkness you ask? Darkness is inmeasurable, much like coldness. Darkness is the absence of light, while coldness is the absence of heat. You don't find yourself asking "What is ratio of the absence of heat in the room surrounding us?" I suppose you could say the speed of dark is the same as the speed of light, since light retracting is the same as light shining.
If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be? The answer lies in the scale you use. You have to convert Celsius or Farenheit down to kelvin. Once you reach the absolute zero point, then it just is no heat in theory can't get any colder because you've taken all the heat away. Heat works in odd ways, 2 degrees is not half of 4 degrees in any scale except kelvin.
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is? The answer I have is that it is "politically incorrect" to insinuate any action that can be interpretted as harassment. Thus since the "bum" has been associated with sex, then you (under definition of sexual harassment) put yourself at risk of sexually harassing the person you point at your "bum" to. It was probably instinctive back in the stone age tho.
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? The setting is so high so that you can save TIME because TIME my friend, is money. To cook something faster, you turn up the heat. I wouldn't leave my bread in a toaster for 4 minutes on the 9 setting, I'd cut it down, and experiment with it to see how long a good time is.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? People always feel a need to expand their insight, and thus by going up higher they subconsciously feel that they are more dominant than those below them. OR they need to see something far away, and they are using a sniper rifle to mask where the general area of the shot comes from. Human adaptations my friend make life more convenient.
Did you ever stop and wonder......
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?" I would argue that it was a inquisitive person who witnessed the offspring of a cow drinking something from the mother, and then decided to try it to see if it tasted good. My guess is that it probably did, and that's why we have milk today, but it doesn't take an idiot to see that calfs drink something from cows. The best way to get it was to mimmick the action of sucking so they used their hand. (probably didn't wish to use mouth)
"Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?"
IT is common knowledge that there may be an infinite number of stars that exist, in fact people usually already know this from science class in school. But they check when you say the paint is wet because only you have that knowledge, and no one has ever told them that that particuluar spot had wet paint. Reply...
christine.m.d at 6:12am on May. 2, 2008
Are you freaking kidding me? Thisissupposed to be fun, not a lesson from school. Did you lose your sense of huimor when they wedged the pole up your ass? Reply...
tylerDomer at 2:56pm on Apr. 21, 2008