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As a child I did not get much individual attention. I liked this because when my parents’ attention was focused elsewhere, I was free to do whatever I wanted–and I did. When my parents did focus their attention on me, they micro managed my life to the point I felt suffocated. Flying under the radar became my survival mechanism.
As an adult, this behavior continued. To this day, I am loathe to call attention to myself. If I can do something anonymously, I will. My credo is Harry S. Truman’s famous saying, It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.
Although I realized this about myself, I didn’t do anything about it. I told myself it was part of my personality, but actually I was stuck. The survival mechanism I used in my childhood had become my identity.
Most people are aware of at least some of their flaws. Most people also don’t do anything about their flaws. That’s because it’s difficult to face the things that are scary about yourself.
Although you may be in emotional pain, it seems less painful than change. That’s the lie. The pain of change will go away. The pain of being stuck will not.
In my personal example I told you I don’t like to be the center of attention. I thought this gave me freedom. In reality, it meant my accomplishments were overlooked and my ideas had no clout. How did I come to realize this?
For me, the shift in my thinking and behavior came when I became inspired from within. I wanted to start my own skin care line. That led to the realization that flying under the radar was equal to sabotage.
Maybe you are a chronic people pleaser. In your interpretation of reality, maybe you have come to tolerate the intolerable. Face the things that are scary about yourself. You can change your life. |
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Leave a Comment
Misha at 9:35am on Feb. 29, 2008
about 1 year ago
Hey Clara,
Thanks for introducing me to this site :D Reply...
Face Natural at 10:45am on Feb. 9, 2008
about 1 year ago
I agree 100 percent. It's only a problem if you're getting in your own way or if you're just plain old unhappy. That's when you have to examine why you do the things you do and if it's time to develop some new patterns in your life. Reply...
SquarePants at 6:50am on Feb. 9, 2008
about 1 year ago
I believe there is a time to fly below the radar, and a time where one needs to "toot your own horn" (as a manager once told me). A time to take credit, a time to let it go (like letting someone on your team take the credit and visibility). It depends on a lot of things, e.g. your manager, your team, your corporate culture, or the situation in general (if not work-related).
In fact, at one company, there was a special term for the kind of person who could intentionally stay below the radar until a particular objective was accomplished. They were called "torpedoes". You hit before they know what's coming. Clearly, this was for "strategic" (political) reasons.
I totally agree with you that people should face their demons. But that's really a value statement, isn't it? There are many kinds of people in life. A "normally" introspective person can benefit from it and self-actualize. An overly sensitive person might over-analyze and get themselves in a rut. A superficial person tends to remain clueless. I do believe one cannot realize one's potential without doing so, yet I've known people to find success regardless. There is a role for the "loyal soldier" in this world. But it is a blast to blaze your own trail, isn't it.
It also depends on how one defines "happiness" and "satisfaction" in life. As a last example, I don't like to play politics, but I will if I or someone on my team gets gamed and I will play to win. I've also seen loads of people who are oblivious to the politics, content to work 9-5, and I'm betting live a much more stress-free life. Who's to say who's right and who's wrong... (They look awfully happy!) Reply...