Dating Dictionary

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish................................56+ (it's the red convertible that makes him feel so young)
Active................................Gets up to get his own damn beer
Adventurous.......................Asks for extra spicy on his burrito supreme
Enjoys cooking..................Can operate microwave
Enjoys travel......................Never asks for directions
Athletic.............................Loves playing Madden 08 on XBox 360
Generous..........................Incapable of thinking of anyone other than himself
Romantic..........................Has Viagra prescription

Considerate.......................Leaves seat up and is a bad aim.
Emotional.........................Gets pissed when out of beer
Loves pets........................Does not pick up poop especially from some dumbass little dog
Loves children...................Really doesn't like poop so get used to it 
Loves family......................Will probably hit on your sister.
Loves to laugh...................Smokes too much pot

Loves strong coffee.............Usually hung over
Looking for soul mate.........Search likely to go on for a long, long time
Slim..................................Sickly. 

Boyish-charm....................Momma's boy
Youthful............................Bald as a baby
Man's man........................Hair growing everywhere even where seemingly impossible 

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: 
 
40-ish..................................49.
Adventurous......................Slept with everyone.
Athletic................................No breasts.
Average looking.................Moooo.
Beautiful.............................Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure..........On medication.
Feminist..............................Fat.
Free Spirit..........................Junkie.
Friendship first..................Former Slut.
New-Age.............................Body hair in the wrong places.
Old-fashioned.....................No B.J.'s
Open-minded......................Desperate.
Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.
Professional........................Bitch.
Voluptuous..........................Very fat.
Large frame........................Hugely fat.
Wants soul mate.................Stalker.
 
 
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
 
Yes.........................................No
No..........................................Yes
Maybe....................................No
We need...............................I want
I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry
We need to talk...................You're in trouble
Sure, go ahead....................You better not
Do what you want...............You will pay for this later
I am not upset......................Of course, I am upset, you moron!
You're attentive tonight.........Is sex all you ever think about?
 

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

I am hungry..........................I am hungry
I am tired..............................I am tired
Nice dress...........................Nice cleavage!
I love you..............................Let's have sex now
I am bored...........................Do you want to have sex?
May I have this dance?....................I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I call you sometime?...............I'd like to have sex with you.
Do you want to go to a movie?.......I'd like to have sex with you.
Can I take you out to dinner?..........I'd like to have sex with you.
I don't think your shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay.